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First blog post

This is the post excerpt.

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I’ve always wanted to blog. I feel like I have so much to say. So much to offer. Whether I bring you laughter about the daily battles of being a mom of two teenage boys, or advice on how to deal with chronic pain in a very humorous way. I can go from seriously funny to making you weep but I promise either way you will get something positive out of the end of my blogs. Just bare with me. As for my spelling I sat on my glasses so I can barely see so this shall be fun. Sounds good right. It Is What It Is.

Mothers Day without You

Mothers Day is not the same without Mom. I know that mothers day is celebrating our mom but also celebrating being a mother. When Mom was still here with us we always celebrated Mothers Day with my Grandmother. All the Mothers together. Whether we did a brunch, got our nails together, shopping or just a simple visit it was so special. After losing my grandmother it became about celebrating with my mom. Same kind of fun girly stuff. Shopping, nails, food, just time together.

Mothers Day is not the same without Mom. Its just different. The first Mothers Day I didn’t want to acknowledge the day at all. That is okay in my book. Goes back to how I say we all grieve in our own way. Not to say the following ones became any easier I just chose how to try to make the day about celebrating her life and all mothers in a different way. Adopting a new tradition. I stop by her gravesite give her a new angel or some flowers. I buy myself something that reminds me of her. I choose to try not to let this day be about her death and instead of reminding myself of the wonderful times we shared on mothers day. I’m not going to say it’s easy, that I don’t cry every other day because I do. I am as I write this. But that’s OK.

Motherless Daughters are in our own category. We choose how to celebrate our day. Make your own traditions, adopt old ones. Whatever it may be, but remember to celebrate you.

Happy Mothers Day, do something nice for yourself. Whatever it may be, day to yourself, a little shop therapy, walking around the zoo getting some animal therapy always helps me, snuggling with your kiddos, day of lifetime movies, who cares what it is just know your mom would want you to celebrate what an amazing Mom you are and she is watching over you.

Happy Mothers Day to our Moms in Heaven & Happy Mother’s Day to You.

 

 

Its Okay not to be OK.

It’s not always going to be okay,  and thats ok.

From one person or another we are usually told everything will turn out okay. Everything around us maybe falling apart. It could be an illness in our family, the mental toll it is taking having to be at doctor appointments non stop, watching our loved one in constant pain, medical bills piling up, even the mental toll it can cause on the entire family. When you talk about it with others you hear but everything will be okay. Or financially things are just really tight, you have your own illness, a family member is away over seas and its a constant worry, you have a loved one dealing with an addiction where it affects you directly, you have your own addiction, your family is dealing with loss of a loved one, with so much that goes on every minute of everyday I can’t put down everything that everyone is struggling with in one blog. Then again who am I to say to anyone is struggling. I am just saying It’s not  always going to be okay, and its ok.

Life isnt meant  us not to struggle. We will all have our illnesses, losses, financial ups and downs, we may or may not have a family member who has some sort of addiction, so many different ways life will come at us in a form of a struggle. Where it will be okay for us not to be ok. I know some people just don’t know what else to say to others when they have something going on in their life especially when it is life altering or if it something that in no way the other person can relate too. So they just say, It will be OK. Everything will be okay. It is okay to tell them that everything is not going to be okay, and its ok. Life is not perfect, we as humans are not perfect. All we can do is hope that we make the best choices in our lifetime and when we don’t we learn from them. When times are tough and we struggle we know that its okay not to be ok…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Coping with Grief.

My earlier post I told you I’m not a psychologist or doctor. I’m just a person who has experienced a lot of loss and has been navigating this journey we call Grief. I have been through every stage of Grief. Denial, Bargaining, Depression, Anger and if there really is such a thing Acceptance. Of course for me none of these went in this order. Every loss for me was different. I loved everyone in a unique way so I grieved in a different way.

My brother who past was only seven and I was five when he died of leukemia. So I was very young. That didn’t mean I didn’t grieve. To be honest it was many years later that it affected me. To this day I break down and wish he was around to do stuff with his nephews or just to hang out. I’m 37 now and  I’m still grieving him but in a different way. Where all my grandparents are gone, five in all. The most amazing grandparents mind you. I miss the closeness, family time, my children missing out on the relationship’s with their great grandparents. The hardest loss out that I struggle with is my mother, my best friend. She passed away from pancreatic cancer a few years back. I remember after she lost my brother she told me the greatest loss is that of a child. I couldn’t imagine what her and my father went through when they lost our brother but she went on and grieved in her way as did my father. I saw two people grieve their child in two different ways. When my mom lost her mom before her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer she pulled me aside and told me that aside from the loss of a child there is no greater loss than a mother.

So after my mother was diagnosed and her prognosis 3-6months, she wanted to make sure to leave my brother and I with a tape. She knew how hard it would be once she had to leave us without her in this in world. She was the matriarch in our family after all our grandparents were gone. Not to mention we were all extremely close, grandchildren included. { Grief can begin before the loss even happens.}

This grief was unlike any other I’ve ever experienced. Grief comes in all forms, shapes and sizes.

I don’t remember anything after she took her last breath. Flashes of things. I literally shut down. I can honestly say the first year I was on the outside of my body just watching my life like it was a movie. I didn’t want to feel. I functioned, just wasn’t me. No one knew how bad I was hurting. Until my hurting was hurting others. I suppose they would call this the, Anger Step.

I was definitely in denial for a long time. In my head she was still at MasGeneral. She was there a lot because she was sick a lot, so made sense. But once I got out of my anger stage I was on my way to healing. I’m far from there yet. This particular grief is different from the others. I’ve will always be angry that my brother and mother were taken from us. I will always be some what in denial and depressed about them not being able to be here with us. 

Here is the difference I have learned how to cope with my grief. To do so in a way that works for me. There are many coping skills. No way is the wrong way. It’s just what works for you. I will tell you there is Hope.

Coping skills on Grieving;

1.Mindfulnes 2.Meditation 3. Art Therapy 4. Music Therapy 5. Journaling 6. Bereavement Groups 7.The Grief Recovery Handbook by John James and Russell Friedman 8.Make a memory box of your loved one 9. Zen Triangles 10. If your religious lean on your religion. 

Some books that can help guide you;

For children grieving-

I Miss You by Pat Thomas

The Invisible String by Patrice Karst

Love is Forever by Casey Rislov

Some Adult Books;

JOAN DIDION The Year Of Magical Thinking

A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

Please Be Patient I’m Grieving by Gary Roe

There are so many resources out there on coping with grief. We don’t have to do it alone. If you or someone you love struggle with grief know that there is help out there to make life seem a little brighter.

I once read that For someone grieving moving forward is the challenge. Because after extreme loss its like you want to go back. I know I’ve been there. It also made me lose a year of my life and my kids. I’m moving forward I hope with this blog it can shed a little light to you and your journey forward.

~We are all broken. That’s how the light gets in. -Ernest Hemingway

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grief

Grief. When is it OK to grieve? How long is it appropriate to grieve? I have had so many losses at such a young age starting with my brother who passed at age seven from leukemia in 1983! From there it was like a dark cloud that lingered over our family. Loss after loss. More children with cancer, my Aunt, grandparents, father in law the hardest my mother.

I remember taking a course on Death & Dying in College. Yes, I wanted to follow my moms footsteps and help children with cancer and their families process the grieving process. Until it finally hit me after my loss of my mom. Grief works in its on way on its on time. Yes there are steps as stated in the books. But not on order. We all grieve in our own way. Just like we are all our own unique person who had a unique relationship with our loved one. There is no time line on grief and don’t let anyone tell you different. I’m not a psychologist or a doctor. I’m a mom who had a lot of loss and a lot of grief who is doing my best in the journey of grief.

Keep your headup, grieve as long as you need to as long as its in a healthy way. Yes there are healthy ways to grieve. On my next blog I will give tips on healthy ways to deal with grieving. Sending love and light.  “It Is What It Is.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life

I decided to start blogging because I feel I have lived a lifetime in such a short time. Through loss and chronic illness, teenage boys I can bring so much to offer. At least that’s my hope. Without hope we have nothing. I want my blog to bring joy, hope, insight among many other things. I hope you follow me along in my journey. I will be holding nothing back.